I'll start off by saying that I very much like the topic that Josh chose. I feel that it is very appropriate and relevant to what we have been studying, and I have been wondering a bit about it myself. The thesis is solid and very much describes what will be written about throughout the rest of the paper. Something that distracted me was the use of clichés, such as 'bright as day' and 'hope springs eternal', in the paper. The use of these, while being descriptive, will typically distract from more formal writing and should be avoided when possible. I did enjoy the use of both 'bright as day' at the beginning of a paragraph and then 'shed some light' at the end of it. By using light, it was emphasized that facts became clear to the reader but, again, it was done using a cliché, which is not very appropriate for formal writing. Transitions are somewhat lacking throughout. I would say that the biggest things to clear up with the paper would be taking out the clichés and making the paper flow better. Overall, it was very good and some excellent points were made.
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